Companionship and Life Review
The core of everything I am as a doula is the ability to sit with you during this part of your life. I have no agenda, no demands of you. I just offer you the stillness and depth and time to be able to talk about anything that is coming up.
Some like the ability to openly talk about death and dying and your thoughts about what might come next. Family and friends may not have the ability or capacity to let you explore these topics as freely as you’d like.
Others enjoy going through their life, finding meaning in the things that happened and didn’t happen along the way. It could give you space to put an end to conflicts, gain perspective, and say goodbye.
End of life care planning
Together, we’ll spend time exploring and detailing your non-medical wishes for during your last weeks and days, as well as immediately following your death. Think emotional, spiritual, psychological, and physical wishes holistically combined to define what you actually want when you're dying. Where you want to be, who you want there, what would bring you comfort. This moment of life is so important and sacred. You deserve to meet it in a way that feels right. We'll work through questions like:
- Who do you want with you?
- What would bring you comfort?
- Sounds, music, scent, blankets, pets, reading aloud, etc.
- Are there rituals, songs, readings, or specific things that matter to you?
- How would you like your body cared for after you’ve died?
We'll document all of this so the people caring for and supporting you actually know what you want, even if you are unable to communicate your wishes.
Having this sorted does a few things. It can reduce the fear and anxiety about what's coming because you've sat with it, thought about it, and made choices. It also gives you back some control when so much feels out of control. And it means your family, friends and caregivers can follow guidelines they know you participated in creating, which gives everyone genuine peace of mind.
And of course, if anything changes after we've finished, we’ll update it anytime at no charge.
Legally binding decisions and paperwork
I am not a solicitor, but I can help you work through the process of putting these important, legally binding documents in place. These protect your wishes in terms of medical care, but cannot be used to demand treatments.
Creating an Advance Decision to Refuse Treatment (ADRT)
An ADRT is a legally binding document that spells out what medical care you do not wish to receive in specific circumstances, even if it means your life may be shortened because of it. This is something we can go through together, but requires conversations with your medical team in order to finalize and put into place.
Again, it can be a difficult conversation to have with the people in your life who may have different opinions (which is okay) and feel a certain kind of way about your choices. But it's important to remember these are your decisions, and I'll be there to support and defend them if needed.
Lasting Power of Attorney for health and welfare
Even the most comprehensive ADRT can’t predict every medical possibility. An LPA is a person you trust to make medical decisions on your behalf if you are unable to do so.
The order in which an ADRT and LPA are created is incredibly important, and has the potential to change the meaning of either/both documents!
DNACPR
CPR and other life-saving procedures may not be appropriate for you and your health situation. If refusing these treatments is important to you, then it’s critical you document your wishes AND ensure your medical team, carers, friends and family are able to produce these documents ASAP.
Legacy projects
These are unique projects that I can help you create alone, or facilitate for you and your family/friends. They are creative ways to ensure you’re there in their lives for many years and decades to come.
- Write letters for your people to open on special days or milestone events.
- Record videos for the same events, or simply record yourself recounting your favorite memories together.
- Go through old photographs and write down names, dates, and other memories.
- Finish creative projects you’re already working on.
- Collect all your famous recipes in one place to pass down.
Disposition, Living Funeral, Funeral, and Celebration of Life planning
Burial or cremation? Interested in eco-friendly options? Want to know more about what’s available in your part of the world? We can discuss it all and make the arrangements.
Your funeral / celebration of life can be so much more than a stuffy, traditional, this-is-how-we’ve-always-done-it affair. Ditch the hearse and ride in style in your favorite vehicle. Choose a cardboard coffin that can be painted, drawn and written on. Create your perfect playlist, request guests arrive in fancy dress… you’ll be surprised at what others have done and what is possible.
And if you’re like many others who feel it's such a shame that all the people who mattered in their life only get together after they’ve died. That’s where a living funeral comes in! Think of it as the grandest sending away party, and you get to be there to hear all the funny stories, the touching memories and share your own as well.
The point is, your personality and taste has the chance to shine through your final celebration. If you choose to have a say in that, I can work with you to find the right professionals to make your vision a reality.
Sitting vigil
The final days and hours of someone's life exist outside normal time. Everything slows down and sharpens at once. When active dying begins, what matters most is simply being there.
Active dying might last hours or stretch across several days. Signs that death is close include appetite loss, shifting breathing rhythms, skin changes (mottling), growing weakness, less urination. The body is shutting down, preparing to stop.
Vigil support means I sit with you through this. I'm present for what's happening, I help your family understand what they're witnessing, and I make sure your documented wishes are respected.
What's included:
- Your End of Life Care Plan gets followed as closely as reality allows. I advocate for what you said you wanted when you could still say it.
- I'm reachable around the clock during the vigil period. Middle of the night, early morning, whenever, if something changes or you need me, I respond.
- If you want it, I'll help care for your body after death. That can include shrouding or other preparations.
- Rituals, meditation, breathing exercises, or visualization for you and/or for the people caring for you, if that feels helpful.
- Your family gets grief support throughout and after. I don't disappear when you die. I'll check in with your loved ones for up to three weeks afterward, helping them adjust to your absence. The hardest parts often come after everyone else has moved on. (For more support, see below).
This work is intimate, exhausting, and profound. It's an honor to be present for it.
Companionship and Death processing
I can be available to your people after you’ve died, not just to help with practical matters, but to help process the events. Talking through memories allows people to process emotions, thoughts and information in a way that helps make sense of everything.
Studies have also shown that the attention and support for bereaved people wanes shortly after the funeral/celebration of life. But obviously life doesn’t go back to normal for those closely affected. It’s a sad truth in our current culture, many people don’t know how to be with those who are grieving and disappear entirely. I can make sure that isn’t the case.
Certain moments may be particularly painful throughout that first year, and I’m available to help your people remember in ways that feel right and meaningful.